2016: A Year in Review

This is one of those posts that probably won't interest too many of you, especially as I've blogged (not too well this year!) about many of these topics already... but this is more of a post for the books. For my memory. For my family... and especially for my daughter. 

Regardless, 2016 was good to us! It was less life-changing than 2015 was, but it did bring along a cross-country move and home-ownership for the first time. Each month was filled with many different events, and I want to remember as much as possible.

In January, we took our first family vacation to Niagara Falls, Canada (with a stop at the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio on the way) when Annabelle was four months old. 

In February, we had lots of visitors to our home in Ohio - my mom, followed by Lydia, followed by Michelle! 

March brought Annabelle's half birthday, Dan graduating with his Master's in Applied Physics from AFIT, and saying goodbye to good friends in Ohio before moving to Texas. 

We stopped in Missouri to see family for Easter on our cross-country drive and got settled in Texas in April. Annabelle went to her first air show and (kind of) enjoyed it. 

We traveled to Oregon, Washington, Colorado, and New Mexico in May, and Annabelle got to go on her first six flights, including one Space A flight on a C-17. We visited family and friends on that trip and even took Annabelle to our favorite places from our years in Colorado Springs. At the end of the month, Dan and I celebrated two years of marriage. Exciting! 

In June, Dan promoted to 1st Lieutenant and started pilot training at ENJJPT, signifying the real beginning of our life in Texas. 

July was hot, and we spent a lot of time walking around our neighborhood in the mornings before it was unbearable. 

August was spent with a trip to Branson for a wedding and a trip to Kansas City for a bridal shower and bachelorette party. Dan flew his Dollar Ride in the T-6, and Annabelle and I went to the airfield to watch Dan fly his first solo in the T-6 - how fun! 

September brought our sweet and sassy Annabelle's first birthday, which was a blast, and a family trip to Dallas to take her to the zoo for the first time. That month ended with a trip to Kansas City so I could stand by one of my best friend's side as she became a wife, and then Annabelle and I visited another best friend in St. Louis so we could meet Baby Huxley! I also finished my exclusively pumping journey, which was a long but well worth it year-long extravaganza for me. 

In October, Annabelle and I returned from our road trip, and we celebrated her second Halloween by taking her to a Trunk-or-Treat event on base. 

November was busy with Dan flying long hours, hosting a giant Thanksgiving dinner, and just living life. 

December brought about Dan completing his training in the T-6 and traveling to Missouri for Christmas and New Years! 

What a wonderful year we had as a family. Here's to 2017 - hopefully it will be even better!

Exclusively Pumping is Breastfeeding Too

I initially wasn’t going to post during World Breastfeeding Week because I kind of, sort of feel shortchanged. But then, I decided that no, I breastfeed my child just like all these other mamas out there, and I work damn hard to do so. Instead of sitting this one out, I’m going to open up (a lot) to educate the public on my situation, as it’s more common than you’d think, and many of us have been attacked by nursing moms in public. (seriously – we receive glares from strangers, disapproving looks from nursing mamas because we’re feeding our babies what they assume is formula (which, by the way, is NOT evil; it’s actually amazing stuff that keeps babies all over the world nourished, full, and healthy when they couldn’t be fed otherwise for whatever reason), we are told we pump because it’s “easier” (hahahahahahahaha - if you call packing empty bottles, flanges, a pump, tubes, a cover, bottles of milk, a cooler packed with ice everywhere you go, all the while praying there's a power source where you're going "easy", okay), we’re told we didn’t try hard enough and gave up too easily, we’re told that there is no baby who can’t latch on and breastfeed the “normal” way – the way they were meant to – the “natural” way… guys, I WISH I were kidding.

When I was pregnant, I longed to be able to nurse my baby. I wanted that special bond. We took a breastfeeding class that assured me that it would be a piece of cake – and if not, there was a lactation consultant available at our hospital for free who would help us figure it out before we went home. That never happened. Even the lactation consultant, after many tearful visits before we left the hospital and after we were discharged, agreed that nursing just wasn’t going to work for us. I was devastated to say the least. After my delivery didn’t go how I’d planned, this was another huge blow.

But thank God for modern technology and a double electric breast pump. I have a love/hate relationship with the Medela Pump In Style Advanced (or how I like to call it – PISA, otherwise known as PISA Shit, haha). Why does this matter?

You see, today is International Pumping Day. Weird, right? Why should there be a day devoted to doing something so uncommon? Because it’s not uncommon.

There are THOUSANDS of mothers out there who exclusively pump to feed their babies because nursing just didn’t work out for one reason or another. Some babies won’t or can’t latch, no matter what. Some have physical reasons, such as the baby having a cleft lip or palate, or a tongue or lip tie, making it too difficult to transfer milk. Some babies are born too early and are in the NICU, not strong enough to work their heart so hard by latching on, so they are bottle fed. Some moms have to work so many hours that they aren’t around to nurse their babies. And some simply choose to pump instead of nurse.

I’m one of the lucky moms: Annabelle doesn’t have any medical issues, and she’s certainly strong enough to eat however she pleases. But that’s where things get tricky – since day one, she has rejected my milk straight from the tap. She loves it if it’s pumped for her and put in a bottle. Lazy? Maybe. Crazy? For sure. All I know is that I have spent an enormous amount of time hooked up to a machine doing my baby’s job over the past 11 months.

I have pumped at home, in friends’/family members’ homes, all alone, in front on people, in the car, in the airport, in the bathroom, while crossing the border into Canada (and back, just for good measure), and more places that I’m SURE I’m forgetting. 

Check out these stats:

Days Spent Pumping: 337

Number of Pumps: 1,481

Time Spent Pumping: 493.67 hours (or 20.5 full days!)

Ounces of Milk Pumped: 8,648.5 oz. (or about 68 gallons)

Crazy, right?! But there are thousands and thousands of us (seriously – we have private Facebook groups to discuss what’s normal, share tips and tricks, and simply chat, one pumping mom to another). This may not have been the route I was planning on taking, but this isn’t MY journey. This is Annabelle’s journey.

See that ring in the picture down there? Yeah, that’s made out of my breastmilk. At first, I thought it sounded weird… but the more pumping took over my life, the more I thought it was an incredible way to remember this difficult journey… so Dan got it for me for Mothers’ Day.

While I am so thankful that I have been able to provide her with my milk for all of these months (and one more month full time – and then she’ll get four ounces a day until my stash runs out, which is apparently the magic number of ounces babies need per day in order to reap the benefits), I am still sad that nursing didn’t work out. I know that I would continue feeding her that way until she wanted to wean, but instead, I am cutting myself off at one year simply because I just don’t have time. I will be gaining so much time back when I stop pumping – time I can spend with Annabelle, teaching her new things, taking her on adventures, and being a better mom.

After all, does it REALLY matter what we feed our babies? Breast milk from the tap… breast milk from a bottle… formula from a bottle… newsflash – our babies don’t know a dang difference, and they love us just the same. They think we’re super rockstar mamas, and they’re happy to be fed. Fed babies are happy babies, am I right?!

When Breastfeeding Isn't As Easy As It Looks

Okay, guys, I'm gonna be real today. And if you don't want to read about breastfeeding, this post probably isn't for you. I'm going to use the word nipple - fair warning.

This article about exclusive pumping inspired me to share my struggle. It's definitely worth a read if you're not sure how much goes into exclusively pumping breastmilk for a baby.

*I am not anti formula feeding. I am pro feeding your baby and taking care of your baby and helping your baby grow strong in whatever way you choose. This is simply about how much I had my own heart set on breastfeeding.*

This is something I haven't really shared with many people yet... mostly just people who have visited us in Ohio to meet sweet Annabelle. Or people who see me feeding my tiny baby a bottle and I feel the need to justify myself for whatever reason. Or the judgmental ENT who performed my baby's tongue tie clip and was flabbergasted that I couldn't just whip out a breast to feed Annabelle after the procedure. 

Breastfeeding sure isn't as easy as they make it look and sound when you take all those classes during pregnancy. They show you videos of babies, minutes old, crawling up to their mothers' breasts and latching on like it's no big deal - like it's the only thing they know how to do in the entire world. Lactation consultants come speak about how all you have to do is move your baby's mouth if they have a poor latch - and voila - problem solved.

Not so much.

Let me start at the very beginning. 

Annabelle was born via induction (more on that soon - hopefully), and the medicine used can make breastfeeding more difficult. She also was taken from me after about 15 seconds due to her not crying. I didn't get her back in my arms for over 40 minutes, missing out on crucial skin to skin bonding time.  That can also hinder the breastfeeding process. That said, those things may have contributed to us not being able to feed/eat the way I had planned. 

The more likely reason? Who knows? Annabelle has a small mouth. She also eats like a barracuda, growling at whatever comes her way, shaking her head in excitement, and going crazy when the food doesn't come out quickly enough for her liking. I tried, and I tried to get her to eat from me. Dan tried his best to help by supporting her in different positions for me. He held her hands back out of the way. He called the nurses in to help (and they tried everything - they were wonderful). He even called the lactation consultant on base multiple times to get us seen by her - and she was so helpful too... even if the only thing she helped me with was accepting the fact that breastfeeding just wasn't going to work for us.

I was pretty devastated. I had been pumping milk since the second day of Annabelle's life, but I wasn't getting much - certainly not enough to feed her. Because of her low birth weight (just over six pounds), the pediatricians were worried and told us to supplement with formula... so we did. I kept pumping, as painful as it was, and as little as I was getting, so my baby could at least benefit from the nutrients and antibodies in my breastmilk. Dan tried his best to be supportive, but I felt like I was letting our entire family down. Annabelle wasn't getting the milk I thought she deserved. Dan was having to spend money on formula, which we did NOT plan on at all. And I was feeling down because I felt like I let them both down.

But if you know me at all, you know how stubborn I am. Stubborn people are persistent... and I did not give up. While I never have been able to get Annabelle to latch onto me for more than 20 seconds, I did keep pumping. Now, I'm making more milk than she drinks each day by 10 whole ounces. I have pumped close to 1,200 ounces in the past seven weeks, and Annabelle has eaten all but the 116 ounces I have frozen to use in the future. 

One awful bout of mastitis  and a trip to the doctor for antibiotics later, I am feeling extremely confident in our routine. Ask me again after we travel for the holidays when I have to pump in an airport, possibly during a flight, and in a car during a long road trip. I'm not sure how confident I'll be feeling then, but I'll always have this blog post as a reminder of how hard I've worked so far.

It may not be ideal, but we have a system down now that works for us. During the day (and in the middle of the night), I will feed Annabelle her four ounce bottle of breastmilk, and then she will play on her play yard or go back to sleep in her crib while I pump nearby in the rocking chair in her nursery for 20 minutes. I pump five to six times a day now for 20 minutes at a time and get about 35 ounces of milk a day. When Dan is home in the evenings, he feeds her while I pump.

It was super difficult at first. I felt like I was wasting my time because I couldn't do anything at the same time, and it was so much work for so little milk. I literally watched an entire season of Friends in three days, all while hooked up to a breast pump. Sensing my frustration (or seeing my tears), Dan quickly ordered me a hands free pumping bra online. Life changer. If you're in this situation, you absolutely need one. Now, I can Facebook, blog, read, make Etsy orders, etc. all while pumping - multitasking at its finest, am I right? 

Dan did the math for me (because why else would I marry a physicist if he wouldn't do tough things for me?!), and if I keep pumping at the same rate until July, we will have enough milk stored for little Miss Annabelle to continue reaping its benefits until she is one year old in September - and even beyond once we throw solid foods into the mix as well. One year of breastmilk for my baby is my ultimate goal... but if something prevents that, at least I can say I tried my very hardest.

So while exclusively pumping may not be ideal, and while it may feel like a hassle sometimes because I have to set aside time to feed my daughter AND make time to produce food for her separately, I know I am doing what my heart tells me to do.

And I'll work on trying to not feel the need to justify myself. 

• Did you have any breastfeeding troubles?